Standing on the Grey
by PeoplesVictory
Summary: When Lilian threatens Kara Lena is faced with a question the super finds unthinkable.


**Author's Note:** Hello world! Long time no see! I know I haven't updated lately and it's killing me but things have been crazy here. So, this was just something I came up with after a little debate with a friend. She said that there's only right and wrong and everything else is just what we make up to make us feel better. I disagree. This story is more from Kara's point of view so she agrees more with my friend. I kinda want to add Lena's point of view later but I'm not sure. Let me know what you think!

Ps: the formatting on this story is a little odd. The first couple of paragraphs are in italics and then the story sorta skips around. Sorry if it's a bit confusing. Also, sorry for any errors.

pps: I don't really have a plan for Kara and Lena's relationship so you can label them as you see fit.

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 _...Good and evil, black and white, right and wrong; each of these phrases hold two antithetical words or positions, one standing on the far end of the other and yet there seems to be no middle ground, simply two words or positions unequivocally opposite from each other. At least, that's how it would seem, that's what we're always taught. But is it true? Is that all we have? And who falls into these categories?_

 _In some instances it's easy to tell. For instance, Superman is the good guy, he's the white knight, the god standing on the side of right. Mongul, on the other hand is pure evil that wishes only to corrupt and destroy, he is dark and twisted, and goes against all we know as being right. Then there are times when it is not so obvious, when there is a little bit of grey in that white, duplicity suddenly muddying the waters of our pristine wells and the lines we draw suddenly don't seem so...thin. What about Amanda Waller and her many projects hidden behind closed doors and red tape? Even with all of the "bad" her endeavors have always seemed to bring about some sort of "good". Can we really be so ambivalent or must we all ultimately pick a side?_

 _ **Kara Danvers** is a reporter for CatCo Worldwide Media_

"I love you, Kara...but you're wrong...there is more than just good and evil." Thunder had seemed to crack in Kara's ears, her hands almost stinging as Lena dropped them while standing from the perfectly white couch, a chokingly thick silence pervading the office. "I think it would be best if you leave." Lena had long since stepped behind her desk, back turned so that she faced out of the windows, her voice strong and sure in a way that made even the girl of steel shiver. Kara went to protest but found no words. Instead she stood, smoothing out her shirt nervously as she hesitantly made for the door.

The last few weeks had been hell, even by the Luthor's standards. Kara had yet to speak to Alex since Maggie left and when she finally got through to her she found her a mess. It had taken a lot just to get her back to work but there was still a lot of cleaning up left to do. Then Mongul, the ruler of Warworld came crashing into Metropolis. Apparently he had heard of the supers and had come to gather them for his entertainment. He had been far stronger than either Kara or Kal had anticipated and though they had won it hadn't been without cost to themselves and to the city.

When Amanda Waller came striding into the DEO she carried a promise to end CADMUS once and for all, which thrilled everyone until they realized that her methods were far different from their own and used more explosives and gunpowder than any of them found acceptable. In the midst of their arguing Lilian had caught on, quickly hatching a plan to free Lex, kidnap Lena and ultimately capture Kara, all of which she was unsurprisingly successful at the moment Kara realized Lena was gone. It was the youngest Luthor that ended up saving the super, holding a stolen sidearm in her hands, pressing it firmly against the back of her mother's head. She hadn't pulled the trigger but she had cocked the gun for further emphasis. It took Kara nearly several minutes to talk the poor girl into releasing the weapon even as DEO agents hauled the other two Luthor's away. Lena had spent the rest of the night crying in her arms in the older woman's dimly lit apartment.

The days following Lilian's attack had seemed to pull Lena further away from Kara even as the blonde felt it should have only strengthened their relationship. They knew now, both of them, that they would be willing to sacrifice anything to save the other even at their own expense. Yet, Lena seemed all the more distant, ignoring texts, canceling plans, even having Jess bar her from entering the office at one point, albeit with a polite and even apologetic smile from the assistant.

It took Kara banging at her penthouse windows in the middle of the night, rain pouring down around her, super suit slick and heavy, for Lena to finally acknowledge her. She had let her in with a shake of the head, handing the drenched woman a large towel.

"What are you doing?" Lena had sighed, a forlorn look in her eyes as she sat on one end of her couch.

"You wouldn't answer any of my calls," Kara shrugged sheepishly, wringing the towel between her hands tight enough that Lena thought it may rip. "You told Jess not to let me in. I was worried."

"There's nothing to worry about," Lena had answered quickly though the slump in her shoulders and the dark circles under her eyes screamed otherwise. "I've just been...busy."

"You're lying." It didn't come out accusatory, simply matter-of-fact as Kara began drying herself off as best as she could. "I don't get it. Did I do something wrong the other day? Say something?" Lena had already begun shaking her head as she stood back up.

"Of course not." She made her way to the kitchen, pulling out a bottle of wine and a single glass. Kara didn't really care for drinking and Lena's wines had always been too strong for her anyway.

"Then _what_?" Kara had finally asked when she realized there would be no elaboration. It took a moment but when Lena finally did speak it was in a small, shaky voice, her eyes staring into the countertop, back toward Kara.

"What if she's right?" Who? Lilian? Kara began slowly stepping closer, unsure if so much as touching the other woman's back would be well received. "What if her plan _had_ worked? Would it have been so _wrong_ then?" Kara stopped midstep, just close enough that had she been brave enough Kara could have touched her. She wasn't.

Suddenly the room felt suffocating, like all the air had been vacuumed out of it. Was Lena really talking about Amanda Waller? She wanted to scream " _of course it was wrong_ " but knew for sure that it would only crumble their already fragile relationship.

"Maybe...there isn't only good and bad..." Letting her voice trail off, Lena slowly turned to face the super, arms wrapped firmly around herself, teeth anxiously chewing on her bottom lip and Kara finally saw it, the war that had been raging in the woman's head for the past few days.

"Oh, _Lena_ ," Kara breathed, wrapping strong arms around her when she just couldn't help herself any longer. She felt the small hiccups against her shoulder, the way Lena shivered in her arms and it made her want to weep.

"It's my fault," Lena cried, finally breaking down, nearly dropping to her knees before Kara scooped her up, carrying her to the couch where the Luthor curled further into the still damp suit. "They came after you because of _me_."

"They came after me because of my family's symbol. That's it." Kara hushed her gently, rubbing circles over her back.

"They used me. They _know_ you'll come for me." She had pulled away so suddenly that not even Kara had time to stop her. Tears still flooded the younger woman's eyes, hair carelessly falling to frame her face and in the dim light of the room it shocked Kara to see her look so...deranged.

"Lena, please," Kara stood slowly, hand outstretched. "Whatever's going on, whatever's upset you, we can figure this out _together_ , the way we always have." Kara flinched at the way her companion shrunk away from her, frantically shaking her head.

"Leave. You need to leave." Lena had pushed the window open at some point though Kara had barely noticed.

"I'm _not_ leaving you, not like this," she protested, nostrils flaring stubbornly. It took a moment but eventually Lena's cries had died down, her hands no longer shaking as she wiped at her face with the sleeve of her sweater.

"I'm fine, Kar. Honest." She tried for a smile but it was too tight and too close to the previous outburst to be believable. "I'm sorry if I scared you I just...I just need to be alone for now." Kara opened and closed her mouth several times in bewilderment, her mind struggling to catch up. "Kara...I know I can't physically make you leave but...I would appreciate it if you did so on your own." And that was it, wasn't it? That's what their entire relationship had been based off of from the beginning, whether Lena had originally known it or not; Kara was one of the most powerful beings on this earth and Lena was as fragile as any other human, any give and take between them was based on Kara's willingness to relinquish that power. It had taken little time to realize that this instance would be no different.

"Please call me when you're ready to see me." Lena had taken one of Kara's hands, giving it a firm squeeze as she promised to grant her that much before the super had reluctantly left.

When Kara had finally received a text from Lena the following day requesting to see her Kara had been overjoyed at the thought of things getting back to where they had been. When she arrived, however, she realized that wasn't quite what Lena had in mind. Instead Lena seemed cold and far more distant than she had even the previous night.

"Please, sit." Lena had gestured to the seat in front of her desk, carefully keeping a professional distance from the reporter. Even as her heart sank Kara did as she was told.

"Why am I here, Lena?" The other woman's green eyes seemed to quickly flit away from her.

"We need to talk about...last night. I'm sorry you had to see me that way." Kara thought maybe Lena was just embarrassed and was trying to be more aloof so that it wouldn't show, it made more sense anyway but when she went to brush off the apology Lena raised a hand to stop her. "I _know_ it doesn't matter or you don't _think_ it does and this conversation has really little to do with that." She stood from her desk, stepping over to the couch instead.

"Come-come sit with me," She request was almost timid, changing so quickly that it nearly made Kara's head spin. Still, she obliged, sitting nearly close enough for their knees to touch. "Maybe I've just been thinking too much but...ever since my mother took us I haven't been able to stop. I just can't help feeling like there's another way." Kara reached out to take the hand resting on Lena's lap, almost surprised when she was allowed to.

"Okay, so...let's talk about those other ways then" with a sad sort of smile Lena shook her head.

"You won't like them." Kara frowned, struggling to keep some sort of hope for herself.

"How do you know?" Desperation seemed to claw at Kara's throat even as resolve seemed to line Lena's mouth.

"Because you're too good to do things _my_ way and I'm not good enough to think _yours_ is the only one." Kara struggled not to pull away, desperate to hold on to the giggling girl that had sat across from her at their last brunch date.

"That's not true!" Even if she had proclaimed her words a little too loudly Lena didn't so much as flinch in response. "You _are_ good." Her voice softened in sincerity, grip tightening almost painfully for the human. "You've saved so many lives, even mine. What will it take to prove to you that you are good?"

"I know I'm not evil, Kara, or even crazy like them. I'm just...not _you're_ kind of good. Do you know why I didn't pull that trigger?"

"Exactly!" The super went to throw her hands up only to have them captured by Lena and brought back to her lap. "You didn't do it because you're good," she proceeded with all the conviction she could draw up. "because you knew it was the wrong thing." She calmed unwillingly as the light touch of a thumb brushed over her white knuckles.

"No...I didn't do it because _you_ are good, because _you_ know it is the wrong thing. I didn't do it because I didn't think I could stand the way you would look at me afterwards or...the way you _wouldn't_." Kara could see that the war had run its course behind her green eyes, could _feel_ that something had won. She just wasn't sure what it was. "I...I would have killed them both had you not been there." Kara's breath caught in her throat, loose hair becoming disturbed as she shook her head.

"You were just scared. You're human, it's not the same for you, I know that. You don't have the power I do. That doesn't-" Lena brought a hand up to brush away a tear Kara hadn't noticed make its way down her cheek.

"That's enough excuses, love. For both our sakes." She rested her hand against her friend's warm cheek, Kara leaning into the touch with closed eyes as though she knew this would be the last time they would sit here this way.

"I promise you that everything I do will be in the name of good, I will never do anything as cruel as Lex, and I will never fight against you. But..." Lena had to close her eyes, forcing down the lump in her throat before she was able to finally finish this. "I _love_ you, Kara...but you're wrong...there is more than just good and evil." Thunder had seemed to crack in Kara's ears, her hands almost stinging as Lena dropped them while she stood, a chokingly thick silence pervading the office. "I think it would be best if you leave now." Lena had long since stepped behind her desk, back turned so that she faced out of the windows, her voice strong and sure in a way that made even the girl of steel shiver. Kara went to protest but found no words. Instead she stood, smoothing out her shirt nervously as she hesitantly made for the door.

"Jess," Kara stopped, the door slightly open as she turned to look at Lena who stood over the phone on her desk. "Please revoke Ms. Danvers' open door privileges and...send a note to CatCo requesting they send a different reporter from now on." Kara couldn't help but scoff as she slipped out of the office, struggling not to look over at Jess's pitying look as she passed her desk.

Even as Kara lay in bed weeping she felt that Lena would change her mind, that she would see how wrong she was. Even a month later, when Lilian was found dead and CADMUS disappeared, Kara held onto the hope that Lena was too good to end up like her family. Even a year later, with L-Corp thriving, the company having stepped into studying alien technology to help further several medical procedures on both human and alien kind alike, Kara still thought Lena was separate from Lilian's murder.

Even when Lex was found dead in his cell, poisoned by an inhuman substance, Kara refused to believe even Alex as she begged her to review the evidence.

True to her word as always, Lena had done everything in the name of good, never pushing anything too far and always staying hidden in the shadows of CADMUS. She kept from fighting directly against Kara though neither one would ever say they truly fought on the same side either. They both knew Kara was too good for that.

The DEO would come to see the last Luthor as a threat but no matter how close they ever came Kara would somehow get in the way, forcing them to let her go. They didn't know at first, assuming that Lena was just too good to be caught. Eventually J'onn took notice of how the Girl of Steel hesitated in front of the fragile human.

It was raining that day that J'onn decided enough was enough, Lena had tried escaping to the helipad on the roof of L-Corp. It was the first time in years that they had seen each other, Lena having maintained a good name for the most part even if her family's shadow still stalked behind her. Anything too dark, too grey, was hidden from the public, even the government being reluctant to release the information.

Kara had beaten her to the roof, Lena's bodyguards already subdued though she had left the pilot alone. Lena stopped in her tracks, hair whipping free from her bun. Kara's breath caught in her throat as they stared directly at each other, her fingers almost itching to feel the thrum of the other woman's heartbeat, feet struggling to stand still. She took her in, _finally_ , all of her from the red satin shirt drenched through to the lines around her eyes. Suddenly Kara remembered the year, remembered how long it had been since she had last set foot in L-Corp, remembered that Kryptonians age slower.

Kara had reached up to touch the ends of her own hair as she looked at Lena who had begun to draw closer, the slight panic fading from her green eyes. The sky may have been darkened by the rain clouds but Kara could clearly see that where her hair still shined in its golden glory Lena's had faded and become peppered with grey. Still, the smirk that was slowly tugging at one corner of her mouth was the same as the first time the young reporter had stepped into Lena's office.

"So, this is it?" Lena had asked, raising her voice only slightly as the propellers still whirred loudly. "You've finally captured me?" She held her wrists out tauntingly, Kara's blue eyes briefly flicking to them without moving from her spot. "Will your agents come to collect me or will you fly me to my cell yourself?"

"Why are you doing this, Lena?" Kara rose her voice in turn though there may have been more bite than necessary.

"Doing what? Saving lives? Protecting earth? I could ask you the same." Lena cocked her head to one side, eyes slightly narrowed.

"Don't do that," Kara warned, fists clenching at her sides. "That's not what I mean and you know it."

"Then _what_? What have I done that you deem oh so wrong, _Supergirl_?" The title felt oddly like a slap to the super, whether or not it was meant to.

"Running CADMUS. You're doing exactly what she wanted you to do." Lena's smirk relaxed into a tired smile, her hands coming up as though to touch the other woman before she wrapped her arms around herself.

"You see?" She asked softly. "I told you you wouldn't agree. I'm not like them, Kara. _You_ helped me see that. But I'm not like you either. I'm not as good or as... _purely_ good as you." She stepped a little closer so that she had to tip her head back just slightly to look into those familiar blue eyes. "I've done as I've promised, I've always made sure my work has been done for the good of all the inhabitants of earth." A fact not even Kara could dispute. She had seen the good Lena's work had accomplished, whether it was in funding lower income housing, opening the new orphanage for alien children under the family name or the medical advancements she had helped push forward. So what was this all for?

"The DEO wants you." Kara looked away from her, eyes trained somewhere in the sky.

"Alright, Kara..." Lena lowered her head, taking a small step back. "I'm not fighting you. I couldn't, even I wanted to." Kara's gaze quickly snapped back down to the ambivalent creature in front of her, the woman she had admired from the moment they first met. Years ago Kara would have relinquished her power to this woman as a sign that no matter her strength she would never use it against her, but this was different, this was an order by the DEO.

"Just...go." Kara closed her eyes as though that would be enough to get her out of trouble later.

"What?" She could feel Lena looking at her but refused to look back.

"Go. Before they come," Kara says more sternly. "I'll say you did something to get away just...just _go_." They both stood in silence for longer than they should have, rain beating down around them, Kara waiting with bated breath, Lena trying to decide if she really should.

"No matter what...you've always been _my_ hero...Lena Luthor." The words stopped Lena as she began passing her, her cool fingertips brushing the warm pad of the Kryptonian's hand.

Kara flinched, eyes shooting open when she heard something near the door and by the time she looked back Lena was already stepping onto the copter. The door swung open behind her, J'onn stepping onto the roof as Lena was leaving it and Kara prayed he hadn't heard anything.

After that she was taken off of any cases involving the Luthor, not even allowed near any information that came in. By this time, however, she had made up her mind; so long as Lena never threatened earth's people or her family they would be separate from each other. The Luthor name was now the governments problem or Kal's, if he ever chose to stop looking the other way. For now Kara would take care of those she deemed to be actual threats, those that she could tell were definitely the bad guys and leave the more grey areas to the government or more experienced superheroes.

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End Note: I would like to point out that I am a huge comic book lover, always have been, so I did throw in Amanda Waller even though I'm pretty sure they won't have her in Supergirl's earth due to what happened in the flash's. Mongul as well is one of superman's big bads, just in case anyone saw the name and didn't automatically google it. I may do a second chapter from Lena's point of view but I'm not sure.

Any other questions just ask. Like and comment to let me know what you think or if any improvements are needed.


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